THE MISSION AGE CHANGE!

I love this blog. It has always been a place of comfort to me when I need it to be. It has helped me learn about myself and how to handle my emotions (Sorry if that sounds silly!) I made this blog to kind of figure out me. It's entitled "Be" because of two reasons.. First off, it's simply the first two letters of my name. So it's just short of Bekah. But more so it means to me what I am trying to "BE". I have learned so much about myself this past year, through ups and downs and have had so many experiences to help me become who I am today. 

First off, College. College was easily one of the funnest experiences for me. I learned SO much about myself. I learned how to have patience when I was upset with roommates. I learned that small vain things that used to matter in my Vegas bubble suddenly did not in Rexburg. I experienced life, weather, culture in a different area that was just what I needed for 9 months. 

Next, we have the mission age change. I know there are so many girls that jumped on this mission bandwagon and I don't want it to sound like that at all. Before the change? I honestly had ZERO desire to go at 21(In thoughts that I would be married). My high-school sunday school teacher, President Smith would talk about sister missionaries almost every week and I would just kind of agree with him although was never like, "YES. I'LL GO NOW!!". I always kept to myself and just kept it in the back of my mind. The week before October's General Conference, I was invited to go to an ISL service trip meeting. I got five bucks and pizza. It was a win win situation that this poor college student could not pass up. I went with my sweet roommate and we had a lot of fun. I called my mom and just knew that I was needed to serve somewhere. I kept explaining to her that I went to this meeting and it was great, but I just wasn't sold. The following Friday, one of the ISL reps called me and I just was like "This just isn't right for me right now". I was kind of bummed. I was sad that I didn't know what I was doing. That was probably my biggest struggle at school. I was just concerned that I was doing something wrong or forgetting something. Anyways, I went to sleep that night genuinely bummed out. I slept alone in my bed and was frustrated  I was literally wrestling with the Lord. I was thinking, "Why does this always happen to me?", "Why can't I just be spontaneous like some of my friends". Let's be honest. I was murmuring. My negative thoughts carried me to sleep... and I slept...and slept...and SLEPT THROUGH CONFERENCE.  That would never fly at home. Ever. Although I don't promote sleeping through conference, gotta love college sleeping habits! hehe. I was so tired and rolled my slow lazy self out of my awfully ugly dorm room bunk and straight to my neighbors house. Her name is Emily Elliot... Or should I say Soeur Elliot ( She's currently in Paris!) I walk straight through her door and she is just like freaking out. I am far to tired for her nonsense and she is bouncing off the walls.. She looks at me(I know she is serious when she looks me in the eye..haha) and says, "HAVE YOU HEARD?".. And I was like.. NO? and she was like..."Well...do you want me to tell you or what?" and I started to get concerned that like the prophet got hurt or something. I was finally like, "Ok. Spill." Emily has the most piercing hazel eyes. She stared right into my soul and said, "We..can go on missions". Without her even finishing her sentence, I fell to the floor. LITERALLY, the floor. Flat Stanley.. yup. I was crying.. on the floor. In the course of the next 10 minutes, I guarantee I said "Oh my gosh" and "ARE YOU SERIOUS" about 800 million times. We spent the whole day together, which was extremely special to me and talked about our futures. A mission was for me.

Self Mastery

James E. Faust gave this wonderful talk called "The Power of Self Mastery".  He talks about self perfection and progression in our lives. I find myself constantly thinking,  I am a SINNER! I always am thinking the wrong things and get sidetracked from my main goal. This has been a constant struggle in my life for the past year and although I have gotten stronger and am quicker at  noticing my flaws, I really want to be at peace. I need the constant guidance of prayer and scripture to remind me of what I'm doing. My biggest tendency that I recognize in myself is not seeing the great in others. Yes, I may see the good. I might like someone I just met, my neighboor, peer, classmate, so forth although I let myself think negatively of them. Naturally it happens and I try so hard to cut it out and be a good example. I am really trying to work on this. My favorite quote reads,  "In its simplest terms, self-mastery is doing those things we should do and not doing those things we should not do. It requires strength, willpower, and honest".

I love this talk so much and truly need his wisdom in my life.



 https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2000/04/the-power-of-self-mastery?lang=eng

BALANCING ACT

So...I have been working with a counselor up here at school to just..work out some kinks in my life and help be gain better skills to make life simpler! It's been absolutley wonderful honestly. We discuss my problems, how I should face them/manage stress, and so forth. This week, our topic was on Balancing life. I feel like I'm the type of person that can't ever truly find a routine or balance. I'm kind of all over the place, ALL the time. Maybe I'm used to it because I come from a big family and there was never a set routine growing up? Maybe I just naturally like unsurity of life? I'm not sure. All I know is that I want to try to accomplish short term/long term goals this year.

I've decided a few things in the past few weeks.

1. I need to focus on myself. I'm a people pleaser. I always work to make others happy and listen to others problems/help solve em' when I honestly should be focused on myself.
2. I need to set short term goals. This weeks goal= 2 weeks of working out minimum 3x/week
3. Sign up for a half marathon. Make myself comit to something long term
4. Don't always go 110% in one thing.. Put your eggs in multiple baskets..

I am going to do this.

I need to prove to myself that I CAN DO HARD THINGS! I can do it.

Ready. Set. Go.

So grateful

I'm so grateful for this semester! I honestly have learned so much about myself that it's hard not to be grateful. I've learned that I am strong and independent although extremely dependent upon the Lord to perfect me. I make mistakes. I lose discretion sometimes. I need the sacrament every Sunday to remind me of why I try to do good. I need a constant support team of church leaders, roommates, professors, friends and so forth to uplift me and guide me to where I am going. I've learned that I can be the bigger person, even when I honestly contemplate giving up. I have learned that I can't understand everything. I don't know why some people do what they do. I don't quite understand everyones quirks and the small things that make them tick although I know that through the atonement of Christ, I am saved as well as everyone else that desires to be. With the realization of flaws, errors and a broken heart, we can turn to the most perfect friend of all, Jesus. He suffered on the cross for every little foolish or petty mistake I've made. I'm so full of gratitude that I can improve every single day. I'm grateful for the oppritunity to serve and learn to forgive those who have afflicted me. I am grateful for the chance to align my life in a Christ-like manner. I have been more tender this semester than I have my entire life due to the fact that I am giving myself up to the Lord. I linked my absolute favorite video on Forgiveness. This man went thorough a horrid drunk driving accident, lost a few family members in the process and explains his view on forgiving. This video touches my heart and reminds me of my obligation to be a good example. I'm always in awe after watching this video and invite you to take 10 minutes out of your day to watch this and be enlightened.

Always,
B

Blessed Chick: 2013 UPDATE

Why.. Hello.. Earth...

Do you hear me?

I am a sad pathetic blogger.. trying to change my sedentary blogless lifestyle.


I love life.
I am 54 days post op and everyday is a new adventure. Shall I recap the past 54 days of life? I'll take some of the highlights/lowlights and share them, they may or may not be in chronicle order..

• Picture this. It's 3:02 AM in the morning, my heart is racing although breath must be slow or I choke on the blood flow in my mouth. My mouth is banded shut. I'm honestly not sure what's in my mouth. The IV in my left wrist is making my giant bladder look pea-sized. My mouth is covered in blood although so so dry due to the fact that the nurse can't give me water. The anesthesia is wearing off and my body feels so heavy. Even the simple act of lifting my head is unbearable. There must be a brick on my head! Where's Ashton? This is not funny. Actually, it is kind of funny. I was watching SNL. I figured my daddy would be woken up by my laughter, although my sweet and simple laugh was tied down by the mean surgical bands that adorned my new mouth. I was left to my own for most of the night. Hourly, my sweet night nurse came in and asked if I needed pain meds. I didn't even try to force myself to feel okay. I didn't. Maybe I was more afraid of what had happened. I really was afraid of this sucky device that sucked my mouth free of the pool of blood that was lingering in my numb face. Tears ran down my face and I longed for my mom. Everyone needs their mother in times of despair. Pre-surgery, I snapped a picture of my profile and quickly after, held my shaky weak hand to snap another. I was astounded. I couldn't express the joy of the change that had quickly changed my life. Jaw surgery was over. I did it! I lived. All I remember before I fell into a happy dream was the doctor talking to me in the surgical room. It was cold and the nurses simply wouldn't shut up and insisted on putting more blankets on me. I didn't care. I wanted this so bad. I don't care what you do, just go! My life was confusing and the journey was not over... It would be months, maybe a year until I could fully function as normal. 
• The next event occurred on day 6 or 7.. I was tired and weak. Well, that was nothing new within those few days. I needed to get out. My face was swollen. So swollen! I begged my father to take me out. It was right after christmas and my brothers wanted to use their new "Sports Authority" gift card. We left to buy new "skateboards" and I secretly had an agenda of buying a new Nike gym bag! We weren't at the store for 15 minutes without something going wrong. Somewhere in the line of events of showing my dad my "soon to be" gym bag, I brushed my arm against my cheek. A pop occurred. Bring on the tears and hyperventilation. I took my brothers gift card box and spit a BIG GULP of fresh blood into the metal container. I hate blood. This was the scariest event that has ever happened to me
• I looked like Angelina Jolie for the first month post-op
• Started second semester of college
• Imagine Dragons! Wooohooo!
• Ombre Hair! Woohoo! 
• First snow storm.. I LIVED (:
• Endured a paint fight!
• Took up a tap dancing class 
• New addiction to How I Met Your Mother
• New Roommate! 
• Sent a good friend off on his mission to Argentina!

I feel as if there are so many things to post! I will continue this post and more fun events that have occurred. I love you guys!

Hello Friends!

Heres my life UPDATAE.. I wrote my last post two weeks ago,  it had been such a stressful week with finals and such. So glad that is over with. I have two weeks before it all begins again! I came home two weeks ago and have been literally bummin it in PJ's :)


I had jaw surgery yesterday. It went well. Really well. :) I think it deserves another post. I'm going to track every single day for readers.

I'm in pain although grateful for support and love I've received.

Yarn Balls.

Yes. My post title is yarn balls. You may ask why? That's because I feel like my mind is a huge NEVER ENDING yarn ball right now. You know when like.. you roll out a yarn ball and it takes ten years to unroll. That is my brain at this moment. I will have one thought.. then it reminds me of ten things I need to do and 35 other thoughts and worries.

I'm just a kid! I can't handle this stress. I feel like I want to refund adulthood... and just be a kid again watching Disney princess movies at my grandmas house while eating Spagetti O's and coloring. 

I'm stressed...I'm not going to sugar coat it.  I need Thursday to come faster. I need next semester. Everything will change, life will slow down.

I just need a mental break from everything!